Don't do, Just be.

With my facebook filling up with photos of my friends' graduations, I should announce that mine came too! I've got the shiny pieces of paper that are my degrees! (Well, scanned photos of the shiny pieces of paper- email was the safer option, it's too risky to send them in the mail, but thanks mum!)

I am little sad that I didn't get to attend a formal ceremony, or experience the long boring speeches of Deans I never met, but mostly sad i'm missing out on wearing the sophisticated robes and funky hat of a distinguished Murdoch University Alumni. But graduating in Cambodia is much more interesting........ isn't it?

My life goal for the last 5 years has been get into Uni, study community development, earn my degrees and head overseas to start saving the world. Well, check, check, check. I've checked all the boxes. I did it. I'm now here in Cambodia; developing country 101, a nation haunted by it's history of war and genocide, famine and poverty. There are over 450 NGOs here all dealing with Cambodia's numerous and wicked problems like food insecurity, poor health and sanitation (resulting in Malaria, consumption, malnutrition etc), education and youth empowerment, human and sex trafficking, environmental degradation and deforestation. Surely, somewhere in there is a space for me? All I have ever wanted is to help out and give back to this country that moved me so deeply as an 11 year old. But now that i'm here, I'm finding that I really am like every other fresh-out-of-Uni graduate; a small fish in a very big (and polluted!) pond. I'm pretty sure everyone has gone through this phase in their life. What happens next? The struggles of finding work and figuring out my purpose are real now. Was it a bad idea moving to Phnom Penh before we knew what would be there for me? Am I even ready? My first few weeks here, I really battled with these questions. Becoming and adult and finding full time work is scary enough in a first world country, let alone a third world one. If I do find work, I will likely be earning a Khmer wage (around $300-500 a month) with no superannuation, formal leave accumulation or any of the other protections we sometimes take for granted in Australia. At least development work is meaningful, right?

Over the last few days, I've been feeling more and more that maybe God's plan for me right now isn't to work straight away. Maybe I'm not here to 'do' right now. Maybe I'm here to 'be'. The longer I am here, the more I am realising that I have a lot to learn about this country- it's problems, it's culture, it's people- and that maybe i've been given this time to learn it.

Taking the language classes has really helped cement this thought. I've completed my first full week! Class runs from 8.30am-noon, and is 3 hours of vocabulary, conversation and phonetics! (It's quite tricky actually, having to learn IPA as well as Khmer is like learning 2 languages!). It's a great school with two lovely teachers and fun classmates (there are 10 of us).

It's early in the game, but I think I will do well. We had only planned (and budgeted) for me to do Level 1, but most of the other students are going to do the full year through. They say Khmer is one of those languages that you CAN become fluent in after just one year of study. I am quite jealous of my classmates' time and funds- how i'd love to be able to hold proper conversations with the Khmer in their own language! It would also be a huge bonus for my work. Oh well, we'll just have to see how we go, and maybe scrape enough savings to do another level.

Studying for just the first half of the day gives me time where I can actually just 'be'. It's a learning process in itself, to not worry about what i'm meant to 'do' here, but I've decided to intentionally take an "absorbtionist approach" (yes I did just make that up) and try to experience and really get a feel for 'life' here in Cambodia.

So far this has meant afternoon walks to the market, the train-line (it's very picturesque) and around our neighbourhood every day, just to explore and get the locals familiar with having two 'barangs' frequenting their streets and lives. I've picked up drawing and painting local images like Wats and motos and fishing boats, while Ben is really improving on his photography. (You can see his work at https://www.flickr.com/photos/pandaprofile/). I'm also starting to pay attention to Khmer-style cooking and am experimenting with the fresh goodies I find in the market around the corner. Just last night, I made a delicious Tom Ka Gai soup and Fried Rice all from scratch. They were some of the best dishes I'd ever cooked, and not because I'm amazing (I didn't follow a recipe so they could have gone to pot) but because the ingredients are so real and fresh and perfect!

I was so exited when I discovered a little lady who sells crushed lemongrass- and threw in some galangal root, chilis and kaffir lime leaves- all for just 25cents!!! 

In the evenings, I've been pulling up my little plastic stool with our next door neighbours who sit outside the little dried-goods corner shop they own. They're great, I just pop round there for some salt or noodles or an extra egg when I run out! Anyway, they speak no English and I like to practice my Khmer with them. Yes, they find it hilarious. I show them my 'kekap'teah' (homework) and try interviewing them. It's very interesting to find out about people with the limited Khmer that I have. For example, the eldest woman, my 'om srey' (because she is older than my mother) came to Phnom Penh from the furthest of the provinces near Thailand, and was married at just 14 years old! They also help me learn what different items in their shop are called. I talk to our landlord's family for more complex topics, for they speak a little English and can help answer my questions about the grammer or when to use which words (such as addressing people, I remember mum talking about how tricky it is trying to guess someone's age and give them the proper title accordingly!). Our landlord's family are such a kind people- why, just yesterday I went outside to water the plants to discover there was an extra orchid hanging there! Turns out they'd gone and bought us another, just because. So lovely.

It may sound awfully artsy-fartsy, but I really think that the more I learn about these small things like shopping, interacting with our neighbours or cooking, the better grasp I will get on the Khmer culture and language, that will help set me up proper for when it IS time to 'do'.